post your favorite jokes here!!!!!!!!!!!!

post your favorite jokes in this thread.

A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out
across the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it,
but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car. The
driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over
and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit.

Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead.

The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.

A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees a
man crying on the side of a road and pulls over. She steps out
of the car and asks the man what’s wrong.

“I feel terrible,” he explains, “I accidentally hit this rabbit and
killed it.”

The blonde says, “Don’t worry.” She runs to her car and pulls
out a spray can. She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit, bends
down, and sprays the contents onto the rabbit.

The rabbit jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops
off down the road.

Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again,
he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops
another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and
again and again, until he hops out of sight.

The man is astonished.

He runs over to the woman and demands,”What is in that can?”
The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the
label. It says . .

(Are you ready for this?)

(Are you sure?)

(This is bad!)

(You know you could just click off and not read the punchline)

(You know your gonna be sorry)

(Last chance)

(OK, here it is)

… It says, “Hair Spray – Restores life to dead hair, adds
permanent wave.”

I will say this now before it happens, but keep it clean with the jokes in here. No racial or religious jokes, and try not to urn it into a flame thread my picking on other people or brands.

Found online:


Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it.

So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed.

Tom slept well, and in fact, beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work. "Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!"

"That's all fine" said the boss, "But where were you yesterday?"

my gndpa told me that one years ago

keep 'em coming. i want at least 30 pages of jokes on here.

Why dose the bunny rabbit hide the eggs

i will edit this sunday after 5-6pm unless some one gets it

This one might be pushing it but its an Easter Joke and today is Easter.

The preacher was speaking in front of the congregation and he had all the children in the front,
He was talking about the resurrection of Jesus on Easter and he asked the children if anyone knows what a resurrection is and one kid said,
I don't know what is but if last for more than 4 hours you got to go see a doctor.

The preacher was laughing to hard to punish him.

Why dose the bunny rabbit hide the eggs cause he dident want to let his wife know he was messing with a chicken

lol PEANUTBUTTER!!!!!!!!!

mudmonkey06 wrote:

lol PEANUTBUTTER!!!!!!!!!

Ohhhhhhh, I get it!

Whats red and looks like a bucket?

Spoiler:

WellThatsSuprising wrote:

mudmonkey06 wrote:

lol PEANUTBUTTER!!!!!!!!!

Ohhhhhhh, I get it!

finally its about time someone gets it lol

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed nicely made up and everything neat and tidy.

Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with you and Mom.

I've been finding real passion with Joan and she is so nice. I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes and because she is so much older than I am but it's not only the passion, Dad, she's pregnant.

Joan says that we are going to be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood, enough for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Joan has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Joan can get better; she sure deserves it!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your son, Sandy

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my desk drawer.

I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home!

An elderly couple were driving across the country.
The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol.
The officer said, "Ma'am did you know you were speeding?"

The woman, hard of hearing, turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"
The old man yells, "He says you were speeding!"

The patrolman says, "May I see your license?"
The woman turns to her husband and asks again, "What did he say?"
The old man yells, "He wants to see your license!"
The woman gave the officer her license.

The patrolman says, "I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I've ever seen."

The woman turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"

And the old man yells, "He said he knows you!"

A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds, and he entered a patient's room to find his patient sitting on the floor, sawing at a piece of wood with the side of his hand. Meanwhile, another patient was in the room, hanging from the ceiling by his feet.The doctor asked his patient what he was doing, sitting on the floor.

The patient replied in an irritated fashion, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?"

The doctor inquired, "And what is the fellow hanging from the ceiling doing?"

"Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a light bulb."

The doctor asks, "If he's your friend, don't you think you should get him down from there before he hurts himself?"

"What? And work in the dark?"